Sia- Elastic Hearts (FKYA & ALMOND Remix)

3/25/2015 tunes4loons 0 Comments

As the Katy Perry and Ke$ha crazes come to a close, I feel like the fight for America's Next Top Model Fem-Pop Superstar is a tight race between Tove Lo and Sia. They're kind of like the 2015 C-List versions of Britney and Christina circa 2002. Both girls are neck in neck in terms of creating infectious pop anthems for people trying to cling onto their college glory days (aka everyone). Only time will tell which songstress will succeed* and which will eat their feelings for 5 years before joining the the reality TV circuit and becoming a judge for the 2020 reality TV competition: Jazz In My Pants, in which overweight, forgotten celebs dance to jazz music while wearing their tight pants from when they were skinny and in shape. The winner is the person who dances the longest without ripping their jeans up the ass.

This remix was a pleasant surprise**. Usually I don't like a remix if I love the original song. And who couldn't love the raw emotions and whiny (in a good way) vocals of Sia's original? But ALMOND and FKYA's additions from the boosted tempo to the house synth all work to elevate this track to the next level. It's also the type of track that makes you feel like you just did cardio for an hour when all you've been doing is sitting on your ass looking up "March Madness for Dummies" on Google. It's the kind of jam that immediately pumps you up. Like play this for that friend who is always debating staying in on Friday night. At the end of the song, present them with a shot of Jose and they'll be G2G. This method has an even higher success rate than the Bend n Snap. 

But rly... ALMOND? THAT's ur DJ name? It's not just "almond", as in a Starbucks order like"non-fat eggplant-spiced latte with 2 splashes of almond milk and a swirl of vanilla soy milk pLZZ" (sad that this is actually on the simplistic end of most Starbucks orders). It's "ALMOND" as in "WHY DID YOU LET ME EAT THAT GRANOLA TRAIL MIX?? I'M ALLERGIC TO ALMONDS AND NOW MY THROAT IS SWELLING SHU--". Lets try to leave the all-caps and legumes out of the music industry from now on, mmkay Mr. Peanut?

p.s. Just looked up a picture of u, ALMOND, to pair it with the post. And i officially retract my previous betchiness. With that hair and that smile u can name urself whatever DA FUQ u want. No one's gonna be paying attention to what you're saying when you introduce yourself on stage anyway. Girls will be busy drooling and guys, in turn, will be channeling their inner Jo-bro and getting jealous.

*success in the entertainment industry: aka you get famous to the point where it breaks you as a human being. I guess one man's success is reality's rock bottom.

**sick transition, i know. BUT! as bad as it was, it was still 10x more fluid than this bimbo of a golf interviewer's attempt at a transition.