*SUBMISSION* Beyonce- Crazy in Love (LTMR Remix)

4/06/2015 tunes4loons 0 Comments

First off, I gotta give a shout out to Philly real fast. They have MAJORLY upped their contributions to the music industry in the recent years considering how weak their  presence in the music biz used to be. For some perspective, like the biggest rapper to ever come out of Philadelphia is Chiddy Bang and they haven't really produced a music "superstar" since Patti Labelle and she's so old now her skin looks like the fruit leather snacks I used to make my mom buy me at the grocery store. So yeah, that's how out of tune-- pun intended- Philly used to be with the music business. BUT! The city of Brotherly Love is now cranking out one amazing act after another: Gilbere Forte, Speaker of the House, Marian Hill, Diplo, and LTMR (LaTiMeR) to name a few (Not to mention it is home to one of the writers for BEST music blog out there. Click here to visit!*)

Since LTMR's manager is friends with our homeboy, ALMOND, LaTiMeR might already know our opinion on all-caps band names. If not, he can check out an brief overview of our feelings towards superfluous capitalization here. Ultimately, nonsensical DJ name aside, this track is pretty solid. Although the synth modernizes the track somewhat, the funky bass and groovy production added by LTMR just keep gives me severe 70's vibes and constant flashbacks to the 2002 Austin Powers movie, "Goldmember". Srsly, not only do the movie and this track both feature a pre-Jay-Z Bey, but they also both give off the same spunky, disco-til-you-die kind of vibe. Thus, it seems only appropriate that I express the rest of my feelings about this remix EXCLUSIVELY through Queen Bey "Goldmember" GIFs. So press play and scroll for giphy goodness: 

*Did you fall for it??? Obviously I meant t4L. It's not like we're known for our modesty. If anything, we're known for out bat-shit CRAZY reviews. Realistically, however, we're just not known at all. (Hmm, maybe we're better at modesty than I thought doe)

So, at first, when I saw someone had submitted a Beyonce remix, I was a little disappointed. I mean, there are so many AMAZING nobody artists out there that DJs can remix and bring attention to and instead here was a remix of the only person whose name has a higher recognition rate than "Jesus H. Christ". Not gonna lie, I was a little bummed and had some serious betchy 'tude developing:

But then I realized LTMR added the perfect amount of fuck and groove to the song:

And the track has a pretty danceable drop**:

**Danceable in like a Elaine-Benes-white-person kind of way. Not like a Janet-Jackson-sex-on-stage kind of way. But I'd rather have fun and dance off-beat like a FUH-REAK than stress out trying to dance sexy anyways. And anyone who says otherwise is either lying or actually is a legit, amazing, sexy dancer in which case I would suggest dancing on the complete OTHER side of the club so ppl don't compare the two of you. It would be like comparing perfectly ripe apples to oranges peels you found in a dumpster. 

Ultimately, this was gonna be an amazing track all along because  it's a Beyonce song, not in spite of that fact. Cause, lets be real here, Beyonce ALWAYSS has me like:

Basically the whole 3 minutes and 12 seconds of the track makes you feel like a gr00vy female version of a hustlerrrrr and I LOVE IT : 

This is DEFINITELY a track to share with your friends for the ultimate #tbt. Present it on your next joyride with all the confidence of this badge-wielding Bey: 

Sure, some of your friends might murmur something about not like remixes in general, but  really that's just a synonym for "I don't like your taste in music so I won't like anything you show me". But don't come down too hard on them for disagreeing, as much as it may anger you:

Just remind them that you got this song off of tunes4loons so that automatically makes it FABULOUS. And that their taste in music is shit, so they shouldn't even be talking:

P.S. WHERE did all these hot, white-boy DJs come from? All the white boys who tried to become DJs from my school have the body of the Pillsbury dough boy and the eyebrows of Helga Pataki. Like I thought to be a caucasian DJ you either had to look like what I described above or some scrawny, naked mole rat (see Skrillex, David Guetta, etc). But, looking up what LTMR looks like for a photo to accompany this post combined with hearing his music has me like:

But then I remember I'm already in a pretty serious relationship....with my Netflix acct (depicted in this case by Mini Me***)

***Think about it: not many things are as universally loved and adored in this world other than Netflix and Verne Troyer so using one to represent the other is only natural. And yes. I knew the full, correct spelling of Verne Troyer's name without Googling it. Everyone should.