500th POST

5/09/2015 tunes4loons 0 Comments

Yeah. We nvr thought we'd make it to 500 posts, either. 

HELLO THIS IS OUR 500th POST. I feel like SVU!! So many episodes Jesus! Hopefully, unlike this never-ending Dick Wolff crime drama*, you are as excited about the future of t4L as we are :) all 7 of you. We've racked our brains a lot about what to do for this post and, ultimately, we concluded we needed to celebrate our musical roots. "T4L," you may ask your computer screens, "Who are your important musical influences? Perhaps indie kings 'The Strokes'? Canadian indie kings 'Arcade Fire'?" No people, our queen is Celine Dion. No playin'. I've seen her 3 hour concert movie multiple times. She has the voice of a legitimate angel, and if you don't agree with me, you are lying. SO for our 500th post, here is a write-up of perhaps her most iconic music video "It's All Coming Back To Me Now". Enjoyyyy. Or don't, w/e. We get the pageview either way.

**damn right I'm throwing shade at Olivia Benson

First off, if you haven't seen the music video, A POX ON ALL YOUR HOUSES, and here it is:

B: First off, I just want to say --Celine is NOT my queen. That intro was written against my will. The only music video that confuses me more than Celine's is Mick Jagger & David Bowie's "Dancing In The Street". I, personally, wanted to write up Weird Al for the 500th. Amish Paraside >>>My Heart Will Go On.

E: You love her, silence.

B: Since I am not getting a say in this, I say we jump right in. My first thought is on the mediocre if not complex storyline. Over 6 minutes we learn of the tragic yet bizarre tale of Celine's life. Her bofo is struck by a bolt of lightning :(  . So she gives us the most epic house tour since MTV "Cribs" visited Mariah, aaaaaand then maybe has sex with her late-husband's ghost.

E: I feel like it has all the elements of a great romance movie. People make fun of this video but it is basically Ghost with a giant castle instead of a pottery wheel. And people love that shit. 

 B: As trippy as it is, I do appreciate that there is a legit storyline. Remember the days when all music videos had storylines!? I would say most of the vids we see today just involve a combination of slow motion, naked ladies, and fire. And one of the Kardashians (most likely sporting a duck face even though it's no longer 2012).

E: Tru. Celine's much more classy than that. She probably hears the phrase "duck face" and thinks of some French Canadian delicacy of her ancestors. Do people eat face meat? Idk.

B:  Ugh, the phrase "Face meat" doesn't belong here. BACK TO CELINE. I oddly need to comment on her flawless skin in this vid. Gorgeous Celine. What face-wash do you use? Can I hAz?

E: Obviously that comment comment was Quidge's. But of course I agree completely. Celine is flawless (© Beyonce, 2013*).  Except ultimately I am questioning her commitment to wearing a white nighty thing. Is she not mourning her dead lover? I feel like funeral black would have been the sensible choice for paranormal love-making. He probably showed up and was like, bitch I've been dead for 3 days!!

*Sry, not sure what legal authority Queen Bey holds over that adjective. Better safe than served with papers from the Carters' attorney, amiright?

B: Yeah I think she's probably not showing 100% of the sensitivity she should be. Lyrically too. Consider the lines: "I finished crying in the instant that you left / And I banished every memory you and I had ever made" That's aggressive relationship banishment for someone who HAS JUST DIED. Like, he didn't abandon you and move to Japan, he was murdered by Mother Nature.

E: But there is a dichotomy in what Celine says versus what she does!! Like, she says she has moved on, but the shrine to her dead lover is so intense it could only be compared to the Diana/Dodi one in Harrod's. (#obsessive, #agressive) And you just know she lights those candles next to their framed photo every night. A classic battle between head and heart. Celine knows she should move on, but she is unable to. Poor tortured soul.

B: Just who is this guy anyway? I feel like with the amount of #drama happening in this vid, he must be the guy who eventually turned into the Phantom of the Opera.

E: YAAASS. Being fried by a lightning bolt would certainly explain his disfigurement. And the Phantom was rich right? This would account for the fact Celine and he seem to live in an Ottoman Empire palace.

B: Yeah to me their partnership makes perfect sense. Of course Celine needs to date someone who can match her drama. If she lived with Average Joe, there's no way his house would have windy halls long enough for her to run down.

E: Also is it just me, or does the sequence that takes place from 2:51 to 3:06 (in which a camera agressively circles Celine) remind anyone else of the E! Glam Cam on the red carpet events? There is def a similarity, and makes me feel like I am judging her outfit more than I should be. 1997 wasn't kind to anyone's fashion and we need to remember that.

B: I also think that moment can be attributed to overeagerness on the director's part. Tbh, the whole thing looks like it was an over-enthusiastic film school project. Harsh, but joke's on me because the director of this video is probably richer than I will ever be. #thelifeofaClassicsmajor.

E: Yeah Nigel Dick (the director) has also given the world most of Nickelback's music videos, so I'm not sure he had the best judgement. Although he did direct "...Baby One More Time", and that is probably top 5 of all time, no? Maybe Mr. Dick is a genius after all.

B: Yeah well M Night Shamalan made the the Sixth Sense and that didn't make his other 78 movies any less unforgivable. I mean did you see the Happening?

E: It was funny!!

B: Not on purpose.

E: Well, regardless of the track record of Nigel Dick, I think he did justice to both Britney and Celine. He helped her be her best self in "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" Her acting is on fleek (did i use it right?!?! I feel like I'm 80 years old), she looks flawless, and she gets to make out with a hot Phantom of the (Maybe) Opera.

B: And her pipes would make Mariah run away in terror.


B: OK, I love her.

t4L, OUT!

hEpPy 500th mah loons!! See yah at 1000